Cloud Counselling

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Grief after the diagnose ‘infertility’.

You and your partner have been trying to conceive but you have not been successful. Perhaps you have been to see a specialist and taken medical tests. They have told you that you have a medical condition that will make it difficult to have children (in the natural way). Female infertility can be caused by several medical conditions. For example, polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS), endometriosis or hypothalamic amenorrhea (HA). In fact, there are many medical conditions that can lead to female infertility. Due to your medical condition, you are unable to meet you and your partner’s desired goal - to have a child or baby of your own.

A variety of feelings might occur after receiving the news, such as shock, numbness, disbelief, sadness, anger and guilt. You may also feel relief, that you finally know what is going on. Besides all those feelings, you might look at yourself in a different way. You may feel less feminine or struggle with your identity. It is important to share these feelings and thoughts with your partner. For example, you can tell your partner how the news has damaged your self-esteem and body-confidence.

If you have been planning to conceive, or have always wanted to be a mum you may have had fantasies and thoughts about the way a baby would change your life. You may have imagined how your life would be as a mother. These thoughts and fantasies create an emotional attachment. Therefore, it is normal to feel emotional pain when you receive the news that this child may never appear.

In addition, loss of control is a common feeling. Maybe you feel that you have lost control over your life, your dreams, your body, and your relationship. However, you still have control in certain areas of your life. For example, your job, where you live or if you want to choose another pathway to create a family.


Loss of fertility or grief about a child who has never existed is often invisible to everyone else. This means that it is often a silent loss, that not everybody understands. However, it is important to have support system so you are able to express and share your emotions. Good support members are close friends, family members or people who you can trust. If you would prefer to talk to a counsellor about your journey, feelings and how the diagnosis has affected you please feel free to contact me.